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Last night was... fun. This will be the last entry for now.

I guess I can add "fainting due to emotional stress (and possibly hunger)" to my list of accomplishments.

Arguments with my mom usually happen in two stages. First is the disagreement. She throws stuff, screams, yells, threatens to leave, etc. Dad manages to stop her, and then she goes off to the bedroom, occasionally making remarks at me here and there.

Late night is when the verbal abuse comes.

So, yes, I actually fainted and was out cold for a few seconds. Funny thing is, I don't think she noticed it because she was turned away and I managed to land forwards on my hands and knees, so she and dad may have thought I was kneeling in forgiveness or something.

Truly felt terrible though. Could barely stand on my own feet and I had to lean on the door frames so I didn't give her another thing to berate me for. Shaking. Cold sweats. Fuzzy vision. By then I decided to ignore her and just scrambled back to my bedroom to lie down because I felt like I was going to crash. Dad eventually noticed, but didn't say anything about it. Just got me something to drink. Thank you.

This morning was better. I had to take care of my brother because of his oral surgery, so it was good I had something that didn't let me mope in bed all day. Received a phone call for a sudden work-related meeting for later in the afternoon, and that was even better. When she heard me leaving, she yelled at me, demanding to know where I was going. I'd already told dad, so I just ignored her. I really didn't want to talk to her. And I still don't.

Cut to now: She and dad just came back from her usual Friday routine. She just threw some wrapped pastry buns onto my desk, muttering about how I was probably hungry by now.

Really, the thing I regret the most now is forcing my dad to have to skip a day of work just because of our stupid drama.

I just need to remember: Grit my teeth and bear it. Keep my mouth shut.


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November 2014

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